From Pets' letters to God, Mark Bricklin translator

Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets again?

Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
Will I have a sweeter name there, than here on earth..NoNoBadDog?

Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have on-ramps?

Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good or bad?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God,
Will there be chains at the Pearly Gates? How about leashes to keep us in one area?

Dear God,
Can you tell me if there will be fire meters on the streets of pure gold?  Maybe, a bush by the roadside?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent Ids, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets, or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God,
Will there be ear thermometers in place of the rectal ones? I would like to show the Vet just how cold they are.

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?  Also, are there UPS trucks with doors closed or open? I'd like to go for a ride when the door is open.

Dear God,
When my family eats dinner they always bless their food. But they never bless mine. So, I've been wagging my tail extra fast when they fill my bowl. Have you noticed my own blessing?

Dear God,
I've always lived at the shelter and I have everything I need. But many of the dogs here have names and I don't. Could you give me a name please? It would be good for my self-esteem.

Dear God,
The new Dane I live with just peed on the Oriental rug and I have a feeling my family might blame me 'cuz they think I'm jealous of this stupid dog. Since they have no sense of smell, how can I convince them I'm innocent? Does Petsmart sell lie detectors?

Dear God,
When my foster mom's friend comes over to our house, he smells like
musk! What's he been rolling around in?

THE PUPPY PRAYER

Now I lay me down to sleep,
The king-size bed is soft and deep...
I sleep right in the center groove
My human being can hardly move!
I've trapped her legs,
she's tucked in tight
And here is where I pass the night
No one disturbs me or dares intrude
Till morning comes and "I want food!"
I sneak up slowly to begin
My nibbles on my human's chin.
She wakes up quickly,
I have sharp teeth-
I'm a puppy, don't you see?
For the morning's here
And it's time to play
I always seem to get my way.
So thank you Lord for giving me
This human person that I see.
The one who hugs and holds me tight
And shares her bed with me at night!
~author unknown~