Dog Show Terms Explained!

Angulation-Degree to which dog handlers will bend over backwards to impress judges.

Balance-
(a) How to arrange the checkbook so your husband won't know how much money you spent on dog shows last month. Usually done in the bathroom with the door locked;
(b) Ability to hold coffee, danish, leash, treats and entry form all at once.

Bitch-
(a) Name for a lady dog;
(b) Name often heard at dog shows, not always to describe a lady dog.

Blind Retrieve-When you can't see the toy under the furniture.

CGC-Canine Gastrointestinal Catastrophe {aka GAS}

Coat-The hairy covering of a dog that usually falls out about one week before the Specialty show.

Crabbing-What you do when the judge doesn't like way your dog moves.

Dam-
(a) lady dog with children;
(b) expression frequently overheard at dog shows as losers leave the ring.

Distemper-Shown by those hot-headed competitors.

Dog-To chase a judge from show to show in an effort to attain more breed wins.

Double Bind-Finding two toys under the furniture.

Elbow-Method  of getting to ringside when late.

Expression-"Sweet" look adopted by dogs while staring ravenously at chunks of liver.

Fancier-Degree to which some gentlemen handlers dress more than others.

Feathering-What winners are accused of doing to judges' nests.

FlyBall-Neutering.

Force Fetch-Dog drops the toy under furniture, scratches at the carpet until you're forced to "fetch" it.

Front-Part of the dog often stacked toward the outside of the ring.

Guard Hair-An activity in which one watches intently as the dog's hair falls out, in clumps, just after entries are mailed.

Heel-
(a) what you feel like when your dog beats the one you had just sold to an eager novice;
(b) expression often screamed to attract the attention of deaf dogs.

Height-As in "Maximum Allowed," a measurement which all champions fall under by AT LEAST 1/8 of an inch.

Hock-A way of financing your dog shows by the use of jewelry such as wedding rings.

Kennel-Where you go when the kids fight and your husband yells at you.

Litter-Trash left all over the building and parking lot after a dog show.

Mask-What to wear when you have to show the pet you sold six months ago.

Multi-Generational Pedigree-Something you should have read first.

Muzzle-What to put on your kids at a dog show to prevent them from calling your competition what they overheard you call him last night.

Noseprints-Cute marks left all over your French doors.

Outcrossing-What your husband tells the minister you are doing out in the kennel with the dog and the bitch.

Overshot-Running so fast as to pass the 1st place ring marker and plow into the judge and the stewards.

Pedigree-Dog food with lots of great coupons.

Points-Minute, invisible awards for winning which you cannot convince your spouse are more important than cash prizes.

Puppies-Small, dog like food-processing machines with the ability to stink up an entire house and collectively deafen a band of magpies. (These creatures have not yet been perfected, as they come with leaky systems, and can also be dangerous to weak hearts and bank accounts.)

Qualifying Score-Justifying the 170.5 you got in obedience today.

Ribbons-What you want to cut the other exhibitors into, after their pet wins.

Specialty-Whatever your dog is good at, like bringing home dead cats or chewing on walls.

Type-What your dog has... if you turn down the lights and squint a little.

Utility-The kind of vehicle you need to haul around your dogs.